HEROES: Why I'm SO Over This Show

Oh, Heroes. You gave it your best shot. Really, you did. But after last night's finale, I think it's safe to say you'll never be as good as you were in your first season.

I liked you at first. I really did. You had some good actors (most of whom were fairly easy on the eyes), several interesting characters, a cool premise, and a kick-ass villain. You were never as good as Lost, no matter how many people insisted you were (ahem), but you weren't bad, and you were certainly a fun popcorn show.

That was then.

Flash forward three years. We've been to the future (and left a character there!!) and been to the past (feudal Japan, anyone? No? Didn't think so). We've gone through, like, five different versions of Ali Larter. Sylar's had three sets of potential parents, and he's killed more characters than I can count (and yet the show still treats him as its protagonist; more on that in a minute). Characters have gained powers, lost powers, gained new powers, and gained their old powers back. Seriously. Can anyone remember who has what power anymore? Because the writers sure don't.

And that's what it boils down to. The writers are lazy, don't care, aren't paying attention, whatever. On a show like this, the writers (or someone) needs to maintain some kind of continuity. If you establish things two years ago, only to disregard them when it seems convenient to what you're doing now, nothing means anything. You can't write a show like this by the seat of your pants. You have to create a plan, and stick to the plan. Lost's storytelling is currently paying off in spades, because the writers made a plan and have been following that plan for five seasons, and now everything that they've set up is falling into place at last, and it's rewarding for the viewers. On Heroes, the writers are just like, "Wouldn't it be cool if we turned Mohinder into The Fly for a few episodes! Yeah, that's frickin' AWESOME!"

There are several major problems that Heroes has that irk me. Several easily fixable problems. Even if they bothered to fix them, I'm still not sticking around to see the result. I come here to eulogize a show which in the beginning had promise, and now is just an EPIC FAIL.

1. It's time to clean house. Aside from Claire, Peter, and their families (the Bennets and the Petrellis), everyone else on the show is dull, uninteresting, and has worn out their welcome. Hiro used to be cute and fun and lighten up every scene, but now he's just sad and dreary. Ando can't act his way out of a paper bag. Mohinder's useless. Matt ought to change his name to Mary Sue. And Sylar. This character is such a big problem he'll get his own number. And Nathan . . . WTF? You could kill off any character you wanted, and you choose the hotness of Adrian Pasdar? Ugh.

2. Kill off Sylar. It's a credit to Zachary Quinto that the character is even bearable at all, with the jarring inconsistencies being thrown at him every episode. "Oh, Elle, I love you . . . NOW DIE!!" The character has become too powerful, and has no weaknesses to speak of. And he is the only character, hero or villain, whose plans, more often than not, succeed. If a show is called Heroes, its most successful character cannot be its villain. Think about it. Every time there's a showdown, the heroes take out Sylar momentarily, but he always comes back. They never even make sure he's really, truly dead. It's just absurd. It's time to end the character.

3. Use the ridiculous amounts of money being thrown at you to show an actual battle. Seriously? Peter and Nathan team up to take down Sylar, and all we see is Claire watching through a crack in the door? Was anyone else reminded of the Season 1 finale, when everyone came together for the epic battle, and it was over in like thirty seconds? Come on, y'all, it's a show about people with super powers. Why do all the fight scenes suck? Did you waste all your budget on the Sylar-cutting-people's-heads-open scenes? 'Cuz there seems to be at least two of those every week.

4. Don't ignore established facts. This is the biggie. In Season 2, amnesiac Peter and his Irish girlfriend traveled to the future. They were separated, and she was left behind. Since then, there's never been a single mention of her. An entire character, someone Peter supposedly cared about, lost forever. Similarly, Mr. Bennet was shot in the face by Elle. He was hooked up to an IV of Claire's blood and resurrected. Now Sylar kills Nathan and it's conveniently forgotten than Claire's blood can heal, so we cook up this cockamamie scheme where Matt brainwashes Sylar into thinking he's Nathan so that he can continue to promulgate the supers' agenda. Or something. That's just stupid. Also, the entire first season was about "Save the cheerleader, save the world." Of course you remember. Well, they saved the cheerleader then, only for Sylar to come and take her power anyway in the beginning of Season 3, completely wiping out everyone's efforts to keep that from happening back in the day.

Ugh. Need I go on? No, I really don't. Goodbye, Heroes. It's been fun . . . occasionally. Even when I felt my IQ slipping away with each new episode.

Bea Arthur dead at 86

1922-2009

Beatrice Arthur, Emmy-winning actress, comedian, and singer, has passed away at the age of 86 due to complications brought on by cancer. Arthur was best-known to generations of fans as Dorothy Sbornak on the long-running television series The Golden Girls, and the title character on Maude. She will be missed, and my heart goes out to her family and friends.

"Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant.

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say 'Thank you for being a friend'."
Song lyrics by Andrew Gold

HALLOWEEN 2 full trailer!!!

A while back, it was announced that, despite his reluctance to do a sequel, Rob Zombie was in fact working on a sequel to his "re-imagining" of Halloween, titled H2. I wasn't a huge fan of his original film; I felt it lacked the creepy elegance of John Carpenter's 1978 film in favor of a graphic brutality which wasn't very scary at all. It was more like a runaway train, rather than a thriller. The trailer for H2 seems to be a little spookier, what with a certain person from Michael's past popping up as his guide. I thought that was an interesting touch. Of course, there still seems to be plenty of Myers-as-locomotive imagery. Why does Zombie love to have Michael crashing through walls and doors? Maybe that's the secret . . . Michael just wants to be the Little Engine That Could . . . We'll see on August 28. (That's another thing . . . why August? Is Dimension so scared of the Saw franchise that they can't release this closer to actual Halloween?) Post your thoughts below!

LOST: What Lies in the Shadow of the Statue? Libby!!

(Author's Note: Please note that this article contains elements which may spoil previous episodes of Lost. Anyone who is up to date on the show will not be spoiled. All others, beware.)

One of the (many) long-unsolved mysteries of Lost is the backstory of Libby, one of the tail-section survivors introduced in Season 2. She was introduced along with Ana-Lucia, Eko, and Bernard, but unlike those other characters, she was never given a flashback episode or much backstory aside from the occasional snippet of information. (She was in the mental institution with Hurley, she bought Desmond a cup of coffee and gave him a boat.) It has long been assumed in Lost fandom that there was more to Libby's backstory than what we had been shown.

In recent episodes of the show, some of the seemingly random survivors of the crash of Ajira Flight 316 (which brought the Oceanic 6 back to the island) have come forward, obviously with some sort of hidden agenda. Their code phrase is "What lies in the shadow of the statue?" Among them: Ilana, the bounty hunter who captured Sayid; and Bram, who tried to convince Miles not to board the freighter. There are theories going around that these folks are actually working for Eloise Hawking as a third faction in the battle between Benjamin Linus and Charles Widmore. Remember, Hawking was the one who suggested the Oceanic 6 take Ajira 316. "It has to be this flight," she said. It's very likely that she had planted her own agents on that plane.

Also in support of this theory: When Bram tried to coerce Miles into not getting on Widmore's freighter, he refused Miles' request for money. Instead he offered Miles knowledge about his past and his father, which in turn would answer the questions Miles has had all of his life, and ease his mind of the doubts and insecurities troubling him. Widmore is motivated by money, so it stands to reason that his opposing force (Hawking) would be motivated by something more spiritual, and that her acolytes would share in that belief.

The first time we saw Ms. Hawking was during Desmond's first time trip, after he turned the failsafe key in the Swan station, and his consciousness traveled back to the time where he left Penny. She told Desmond it was his destiny to leave Penny, go to the island, and push the button in the Swan to save the world. And then, who should come along but Libby. She offered him a boat to use in the race around the world, which led to him getting to the island. It makes sense that Libby and Ms. Hawking would be working together, toward the same end. It is interesting to note that Widmore was sponsoring the around-the-world race; it would certainly be representative of the relationship between Widmore and Hawking for her to "stick it to him" by helping Desmond, whom Widmore deemed unworthy, get to the island in Widmore's own race.

It also stands to reason that Ms. Hawking had a vested interest in getting the Oceanic 815 people on the island. Her people could have easily been keeping tabs on them before the crash, which could why Libby was in the mental hospital with Hurley; she was assigned to watch him. This could also explain why she lied about knowing him before the island. Then she was sent on Oceanic 815 by Ms. Hawking to pave the way for Ilana and Bram to come along on Ajira 316, but ended up being killed at random by Michael before her reinforcements arrived. Maybe she did whatever she was supposed to do for them before she died, but we just weren’t shown what she did.

I love this theory, and I would love to think that it's possible. It is certainly more interesting and intriguing than just leaving Libby's story unfinished, and it wouldn't take much time to establish that. A mere mention of her name by Ilana, Bram, or Ms. Hawking would be enough. What do you guys think? Let's hear it!

© Jesse Lunsford 2009.